I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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