There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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