who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
either way he was missing a nipple.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
