And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
