Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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