Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
