Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
