listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
