I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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