She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize