I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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