I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
