16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
