community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Panties = found
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