Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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