the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
