He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
