Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
