i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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