Only a mothe r could love this liver
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
