This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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