Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
