every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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