I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
