Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
