franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
