She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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