i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
