Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
