My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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