i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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