There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
