she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
