Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
