yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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