the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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