I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
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