Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize