Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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