Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
