i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
