when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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