You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
