his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
