they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
