Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You've changed since you got that strap on
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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