Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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