saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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