a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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