i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize