Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
