Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
