Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
bring money and cleavage
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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