Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
