I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
