It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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