Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
