Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
