okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
