Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
