erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
