my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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