My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
