Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
